'Novelty on Top; Monotony Underneath' by Frances Scott

What is it about '40' that makes you go, "Can I DO THIS for the rest of my life?"

I guess, at some point, you come to understand that the rest of your life could be possibly less eventful or less fun than the first part, and part of you (me, at least) wants to change it up a bit. (I guess that's why I move every two years.)  My DAYS consist of commuting, sitting in my cube, commuting again, grocery shopping, taking out the trash, unloading dishes, washing children, rinsing and repeating.  But I KNOW my LIFE consists of far more than that.

But then, in all seriousness, we take a look back at 'The Checklist.'  Graduate from high school, & finish college.  Check.  Maybe grad school or a PhD.  Check, and three more years of  'Check.'  Get a job.  Check. Get married, buy a house and squeeze out a few pups.  Check. Check. Check-Check-Check. (Surely each kid deserves his/her own 'Check.')   

But nobody really goes into what to expect after that.  And you keep looking at Life like, "OK. What else you got? --- Oh ? --- What?   You mean this is IT?  It's going to be a lot more of THE SAME for the next TWO DECADES--- IF I'm lucky-- IF nobody else gets cancer, and IF I manage to keep my job, spouse, and kids?"  The best I can hope for is status quo?  I'm not used to that, but I've never imagined life AFTER getting a job and having kids.  Do people even imagine life in their 40's? I certainly never did.  Do 18 year olds imagine life AFTER the NFL/___'fill in the blank with your dream'___ ?  I can't help but doubt it.  Geesh, I hope there's more exciting, good stuff coming, or I’m going to have to get a sports car, and I can't afford to insure one of those things.

The first few decades of life are wrought with change. Your social position, your abilities, even your BODY doesn't stay the same. And then it hits you: "My health, my income-producing potential, my free time et cetera--- are all going to stay at the SAME level as they are now or they're going to get worse from here on out?"

How can these "adult years" keep us running at such a frenetic pace, yet also keep dragging on and on and on?  Can something go quickly and yet inanely slowly at the same time?  Is THIS why our parents were always so grumpy?  This, my friends, must be middle age.  Or-- I must really need a vacation.  IS THIS is why successful, balding men get convertible sports cars and new wives?

But deep down I know that IT IS really all it's cracked up to be.  High school track meets and college flag-football games were fun and all, but what beats seeing your twins giggle at each other for the first time?  What's better than seeing a 7 year old doing her first cartwheel?  When my kids run to meet me at the door, with their three little faces, squished into my suit-covered belly, I know-- these are THE best of days, and I know that when the kiddos hit 12, they will probably be done with spending time with their parents, so I'd better drink it all up now.

My husband's 42 now, and a CPA.  He ran a small company for the last half a decade, and did nothing but accounting for the 10 years before that.  We agreed, when we moved back to Raleigh, he'd take part-time accounting gigs, until our baby hit kindergarten, which happens this August.  But he's looking down this road and at more accounting work, and keeps thinking, "Can I DO this the rest of my life?"

I certainly understand his desire for something new and exciting.   Cue the engines; we'd better get to Disney or some scorching beach before we both quit our jobs and head off to sell time-shares in Cabo.  I'm just kidding---partially---  I'm just trying to quench my desire for the thrills we saw in years passed (travel, mountain biking, weddings, skiing, visiting friends in other states, meeting "The One," having babies---) without ruining the truly awesome life we are blessed to have now. 

I've always had some exciting 'change' for which I could hope, and now that I'm where I want to be, the only thing for which to hope is that nothing will go wrong. That's not hope. It's fear. Hoping that a non-dream won't happen is just--- odd.  I'm used to hoping that dreams will happen.  I'm so grateful that many of them have,-- no question,-- I just don't know what to dream about or chew on now, nor am I comfortable with thinking I have a lot less to struggle against now.

Maybe it's just been a long, surgery-and-physical-therapy-filled winter.  Maybe it's time to have a party or go camping or take up painting or pottery again.

The years of struggle get you used to struggling, and when you get a chance to breathe, sometimes you just can't remember how.  I guess that's my next dream-- learning how to just breathe and enjoy and to learn how to stop struggling.   The mountain-top experiences are no longer set on actual mountain tops; they're more in the bottoms of bunk beds, with three little bottoms crawling all over us.  "Can I DO THIS for the rest of my life?"  Certainly I can.  But a sports car wouldn't hurt---

Comments

[John Taber]

"But I still haven't found what I'm looking for." - U2
"I don't think I would have looked so forward to adulthood if I knew I was going to be ad-libbing so much of it." - Calvin's dad in Calvin and Hobbes (paraphrased)

I'm a little younger than you, and I find myself asking many of the same questions - particularly since my wife and I haven't checked all the same boxes you have. (No children yet after 6 1/2 years of marriage, for instance. She got her master's two years ago and still doesn't have a teaching job. My salary has essentially plateaued and we're treading water on our mortgage.) And so we plod along, day by day, and hope for the best, and look for signs on where to go in the meantime.

I don't know how my parents did it at my age either.

[Cheap Supra Thunder Hightop For Sale]

However, I was very close to him and can confirm, he is even hotter in real life than on screen! You didn't think that is possible? It is! Omg his voice and cheekbones and everything, ohmagod he remains superbly hot, and now thanks to a Chalet Girl goodie bag, a big poster of him graces the living room wall of my student house, along with Ricky Whittle, JLS, some random naked mexican men on horses, and a very suggestive Ann Summers calender.

[True Religion Outlet]

My DAYS consist of commuting, sitting in my cube, commuting again, grocery shopping, taking out the trash, unloading dishes, washing children, rinsing and repeating. But I KNOW my LIFE consists of far more than that.

[air max 90]

My DAYS consist of commuting, sitting in my cube, commuting again, grocery shopping

[mike Smith]

As a 44 year old man, I went through the same questions as you. I have done the check list also, But, I have come to appreciate the successes I have made. That is what I'm enjoying out of my life. My newyears resolution was "Enjoy my life and the people in it, dont worry about anything , It only makes you unhappy. You are the one in control. So far its working out great. My best advice, look up and say " Its a beautiful life I have" Thank you God.

[mallhandbag]

When it comes to votes, paper may be the wave of the future.